Love Thyself as Thy Neighbor

"'Your love is too thick,' he said...
"'Too thick?' she said... 'Love is or it ain't. Thin love ain't love at all."(Morrison 164)

When does charity become destructive? In the novel Beloved by Toni Morrison, Sethe bends over backwards to regain the love of the ghost of her child, Beloved, whom Sethe had murdered 18 years before to save her from the horrors of slavery. Sethe's love becomes obsessive, and that, combined with Beloved's parasite-like presence begins to drain the life from Sethe, while Beloved grows stronger everyday. Sethe directly correlates her own worth to her daughter's happiness, not realizing that Beloved might not be merely the ghost of her daughter, but something far more disturbing, some sort of mixture of Beloved and an evil spirit, her past coming back to haunt her. Denver, Sethe's other daughter tells Sethe's lover, Paul D, after he asks if Beloved was actually her sister "'At times. At times I think she was--more.'"(266). This indicates that the recipient of Sethe's love and charity may not exactly be who it was meant for. And Sethe's inability to recognize this keeps her locked up as a prisoner of the past. Though her intentions are well intended, and she seeks redemption through this charity to Beloved, her efforts are fruitless because Beloved is not capable of purely receiving this love. Which is not necessarily Sethe's fault, but it brings my stream of consciousness to this: love is at its best when the giver of that love loves themselves as well. There must be an understanding of self-worth and self-meaning to give charity. Without that understanding, one is like Sethe, blindly giving to one who feeds off of her ignorance, because she believes Beloved is her "best thing"(272). Her motherly love is truly inspiring, but misled. A mother should always love their children, but they must first love themselves to love their children completely. I'm not saying, by any means, that one should think of themselves before others. That is the exact opposite of charity. What I am trying to explain, and better comprehend myself, is that in order to teach love, and practice love, to love oneself cannot and having an established sense of being and purpose is essential. It takes Paul D to make Sethe realize this. "'You are your best thing, Sethe. You are.'"(273).